just come out here and I will go home with you...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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