considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
