bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
