I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
