HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
