We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So vagazzling was a success
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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