can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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