I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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