it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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