yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
