The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
