Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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