I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
