dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
