If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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