no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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