She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
where are you?
Hypothermia
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
