it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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