Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
