My first STD was from a foam party
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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