Non-Jews are for practice
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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