I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nicole vs. Life
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
