mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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