the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
