my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dignity is for republicans.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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