yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
