phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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