the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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