So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I could fuck to npr.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
