Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
