you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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