Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
