Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
