tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
