Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
