According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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