Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
