I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
