we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
