She's JV to your varsity
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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