This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
