I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
