so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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