My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my being single is dangerous.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
