The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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