I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
