Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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