Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She announced her abortion via fbk
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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