You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
