Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
