how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
