piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
