Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
